Celebrity Death Predictions!
Every year millionaire psychics predict the deaths of celebrities usually with vagaries and often times with no names at all. This is one of the oldest parlor tricks in the book. Sylvia Brown, and others of her ilk, have been doing this for decades and duping hundreds of thousands of believers with her imaginative predictive formulations. And, even though they are NOT mystical they are well thought out.
Anyone can make these predictions! Really, you don’t need to be psychic you just need IMDB. Allow me to demonstrate. Now, some of you will call this a dead pool, but it is not. No, this is the power of cynicism.
My list for possible dead celebrities for the 2007:
James Arness
Mickey Rooney
Andy Griffith
Jerry Lewis
And, so I am not picking just on the elderly: Lindsay Lohan and/or Paris Hilton.
Will all of these people die? Will any of these people die? Perhaps. But, if this came from the mouths of one of the talk show psychics you can bet a lot of people would buy it: hook, line, and Ouija board.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Prediction Numero Uno! The Second Civil War!
I am the Cynical Psychic! My predictions are not drawn from some ethereal never realm but from my pessimistic outlook on the state of the world. Moreover, I’ll bet, 70 to 80 percent of the time I AM DEAD WRONG! Yet, I am willing to bet that I am more accurate than the people making millions offering celebrities unlicensed psychological therapy. If you are an celebrity with millions: Spears, Madonna, Jessica Simpson, whoever give me a few hundred grand I’ll tell you how to wear panties, avoid embarrassing adoption mishaps, and how to venues for your talent (or lack thereof) that do not require you to be almost nude.
So, how do I divine my predictions? Simple, I read the newspaper, watch CNN, and I guess, so if I get something right don't start putting little dolls of me on your dash.
Where do I begin? Oh, here’s one! Brought to you courtesy of all the folks that think John Titor is a time traveler.
The Second American Civil War
Here is the scenario:
As of today, January 13, 2007, George Bush is escalating the war in Iraq by sending 20,000 more troops to the theater. How can this lead to war here in the U.S.? Follow along, if you lose your place, refer to my instructions from paragraph two.
It is late Spring ’07, the U.S. is preparing to deploy 20K more troops, despite outcries from the public and both parties in the Congress. Unexpectedly, civil unrest breaks out on the west coast secondary to rising tensions between African Americans and Latinos, followed by conflicts with the Minutemen and the Mexican Army when they try to cross the U.S. border. Both are plausible and have recent precedent in the news, go to CNN archives.
Next, the American public calls for a strengthened presence on the southern border. In counter protest, illegal alien supporters begin to protest, when they see the resolve of Americans of every stripe they become enraged and resort to violence supported in no small part by leftist infiltrators such as MS13! Within a month, every major U.S. city is a hotspot of urban warfare.
The moment is ripe and the white supremacists make their move followed by less racist but equally enraged constitutional separatists. Fearing all out war, G.W. declares martial law, recalls the majority of troops in Iraq and sends out private security armies and poorly trained National Guard troops to aid the police in keeping the major hotspots under control.
Meanwhile, insurgents from Mexico wreak havoc on the oil fields in Texas crippling the Gulf pipeline. With oil $100 a barrel, the public panics, fractures further, widespread disgruntlement with Hispanics leads to a sort of “ethnic” cleansing.
Seeing their homes ravaged the National Guard divides along racial lines, essentially black and white against the latinos, with six months the entire country is at war. Major battles occur on the west and east coast and along the Texas border. Ultra-patriotic Texans, both white, black, and latino fight against the insurgency and push south into Mexico. MORE ETHNIC CLEANSING! For precedent, refer to Somalia, Bosnia, or just about any third world spot on the globe. And, droves of people try to make their way to Canada for safety thereby driving the Maple Leafers into the conflict.
The entire battle could roll on for months more likely years.
I hope I’m wrong. God help us all if I’m not.
So, how do I divine my predictions? Simple, I read the newspaper, watch CNN, and I guess, so if I get something right don't start putting little dolls of me on your dash.
Where do I begin? Oh, here’s one! Brought to you courtesy of all the folks that think John Titor is a time traveler.
The Second American Civil War
Here is the scenario:
As of today, January 13, 2007, George Bush is escalating the war in Iraq by sending 20,000 more troops to the theater. How can this lead to war here in the U.S.? Follow along, if you lose your place, refer to my instructions from paragraph two.
It is late Spring ’07, the U.S. is preparing to deploy 20K more troops, despite outcries from the public and both parties in the Congress. Unexpectedly, civil unrest breaks out on the west coast secondary to rising tensions between African Americans and Latinos, followed by conflicts with the Minutemen and the Mexican Army when they try to cross the U.S. border. Both are plausible and have recent precedent in the news, go to CNN archives.
Next, the American public calls for a strengthened presence on the southern border. In counter protest, illegal alien supporters begin to protest, when they see the resolve of Americans of every stripe they become enraged and resort to violence supported in no small part by leftist infiltrators such as MS13! Within a month, every major U.S. city is a hotspot of urban warfare.
The moment is ripe and the white supremacists make their move followed by less racist but equally enraged constitutional separatists. Fearing all out war, G.W. declares martial law, recalls the majority of troops in Iraq and sends out private security armies and poorly trained National Guard troops to aid the police in keeping the major hotspots under control.
Meanwhile, insurgents from Mexico wreak havoc on the oil fields in Texas crippling the Gulf pipeline. With oil $100 a barrel, the public panics, fractures further, widespread disgruntlement with Hispanics leads to a sort of “ethnic” cleansing.
Seeing their homes ravaged the National Guard divides along racial lines, essentially black and white against the latinos, with six months the entire country is at war. Major battles occur on the west and east coast and along the Texas border. Ultra-patriotic Texans, both white, black, and latino fight against the insurgency and push south into Mexico. MORE ETHNIC CLEANSING! For precedent, refer to Somalia, Bosnia, or just about any third world spot on the globe. And, droves of people try to make their way to Canada for safety thereby driving the Maple Leafers into the conflict.
The entire battle could roll on for months more likely years.
I hope I’m wrong. God help us all if I’m not.
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