Gas To Fall Even More Sharply Just Before Iran Invaasion!

In the days leading up to, the coming conflict with Iran I foresee gas prices falling more sharply than they already have in recent weeks. In fact, several economic indicators will show favorable upticks including unemployment, the stock market, and the fed rates.
‘But wait! This is already happening,’ you say. And it has. However, the gains up to this point have been modest. What I am suggesting is a strong uptick, the rise before the fall, because, when the shit hits the fan, and it will hit the fan, otherwise Dub’ wouldn’t be making such a stink over his plans ‘not to go to war.’ Sorry, Mr. President we heard that bullshit in ’03 right before you got us asshole deep in Iraq.
What I am predicting is a sudden huge drop in oil prices, the Saudis* trying to show that they are trying to avoid the catastrophe, and the release of unemployment numbers that get all of us looking the other way. This combined with a Gulf of Tonkin style flashpoint will keep us distracted and the congress running in circles, all the while Bush charges headlong into the Zargos Mountains straight for Teheran.
Now, most of my loyal reader(s) (teehee) know I am not claiming psychic ability; in fact, all I am really doing is aggregating and simplifying various information sources such as NY Times, the Economist, Time, and the BBC as well as other more obscure, but completely public sources. I am not implying that people that read my blog are stupid. Nevertheless, the problem with journalism today is a muddling of the news with thin veiled opinion. I am just lifting the veil and interjecting my opinion (predictions; forecasts) with current events.
So, what you need to look for in the days running up to the Iranian invasion is a sudden sharp drop in gas (got that, but it is going lower), positive economic forecasts (got that), and a surge on Wall Street (trust them boys no more top secret info than the NSA). When all this culminates we’ll be days from an invasion. Then there will be the unifying attack that will incite the masses and prevent the Congress from doing anything.
*The Saudis slowed production this week. However, they will likely raise it just before the invasion of Iran to show they were acting in good faith and trying to prevent the war by ‘quelling the oil lust of the crazy Americans.’

Super Bowl Post Game Riot!

I am not a football fan. Truth be known I think the entire sport is a little homoerotic. Guys bending over in front of others guys waiting for the ‘ball’ to be hiked to them. Sounds a little gay---not there is anything wrong with that.
Hell, I only found out today that the Bears and the Colts were playing. I really just don’t care about the sport. It is boring and corrupt. Plus, they abuse the players and could give two shits about their athlete’s health.
But, enough about my hatred of the pigskin. My prediction for the Super Bowl is the Colts by two touchdown---29-16. Nah! Just kidding I’m not a bookie, how the hell should I know? But, with the country so tense in these days of war and terrorism I foresee overzealous fans rioting in the post game hours. And it will likely be some of the worst post game riots in decades.
Why? Because, when people are subjugated and are having their basic freedoms usurped they look for an outlet. So, rather than join an anti war protest, or fight the government’s intrusion into our personal lives, the masses will instead take to the streets and wreak havoc over a silly game. It’s pathetic when you think about it.
Sociologists try to blame it on mob mentality. I on the other hand blame it on apathy. So many Americans are angry about the course of our government but feed them some pork rinds and beer and give them some overrated sporting event to watch and they become content to ignore all threats to their liberty.
So, tomorrow when Colts fans, or Bears, pour into the streets and start lighting cars on fire and smashing in windows imagine they are protesting human rights violations, or unfair taxation, or some nitwits latest attempt at gun control legislation. It won’t change what the blithering idiots are tearing shit up for but it might make you feel better.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force...Number One Cartoon, Baby!

What do you get when you mix an ill-conceived marketing plan and a hyper vigilant law enforcement agency? You get hours of redundant media coverage and a couple of goofs facing possible 5-year prison sentences.
I, of course, am talking about the now infamous Aqua Teen Hunger Force marketing campaign that gridlocked the city of Boston for hours yesterday. And I for one think it’s funny as hell! This has shown our country’s tendency to overreact since 9/11.
Yes, overreact! We are becoming to vigilante, almost paranoid; anyone with half a brain could see those were not bombs. And, the reaction of the governor of Massachusetts was about what I would expect from an elected official wanting to look tough in a crisis. I mean common buddy, you are the governor Massachusetts---not Texas.
Anyway, this has brought me to an entire cluster of predictions for this entry so I’ll handle them one at a time so I don’t ramble as much as usual.
1. This is going to backfire on Homeland Security. I think most people find this entire situation stupid. Both what the young men did and how the Boston PD and Department of Homeland Security handle the situation. Only one word describes the DHS reaction---panic. They, the DHS and BPD, were not in control of the situation. In fact, they have once again shown just how disorganized they are. This is a great example of what happens when the federal government funnels billions of dollars into a highly centralized agency with the idea of making operations more efficient. Therefore, I see public backlash against DH. In the coming weeks there will be questions: Why did they continue to treat this is as a terrorist incident long after they knew it was a publicity stunt? Why are they pursuing charges against these guys when there was obviously NO malicious intent? And why were other cities put on alert when they KNEW this was a publicity stunt?
2. Aqua Teen Hunger Force will gain in popularity as a result of this. Despite the negative press and opinions of some of the idiots on Foxnews, ATHF will gain so many viewers from this it will rival Family Guy for adult cartoon supremacy.
3. The most dire prediction I have from this stems for our countries growing callousness to terrorist threats. If something happens, I mean really happens, people will be slower to react because they see the DHS as incompetent and their information unreliable.
Sure, the rank and file guys try but they are led by insidiously idiotic bureaucrats who are piecemeal demolishing the security of this Nation.
So, what have we learned from the Aqua Teen debacle? Marketers are morons. The DHS is lost, Americans just don’t give shit anymore, and a shake, fries, and piece of meat can even clog up transportation arteries.

Tyra BanksTanks Paris Obssesion!

Yet another f****ing Hilton prediction. Oh, whatever being controls the universe please knock this bland ninny down a notch on the Yahoo popular searches! So, what is the prediction? I predict that Tyra Banks will pass Paris as the most talked about celeb in ’07.
Why? Because, she is a healthy looking, attractive woman with a reasonable amount of intelligence, a proverbial breath of fresh air in a world obsessed with size 00 beanpoles. Me, I think Tyra is SEXY as hell! Especially, since she has gotten a little thick. It looks natural, womanly, unlike the 90lbs wonders who are overexposed on every TV, internet, print, and multimedia outlet on the planet.
Truth is most men want to see a curvy, voluptuous gals, it is just that all the advertisers have made us guilty for feeling attracted to someone who does not look 12. Advertising is perverting the female form so that women feel like they have to look and dress like their teenage daughters (ex that vapid cereal commercial were the mom obsesses over getting into her jeans from Woodstock).
I for one am glad my wife looks like she’s 30 (although she is a little older than that) and I like the fact she has a figure, it’s hot! It makes me want her that much more!
Men need to show some balls and let people know they like women with curves. I got the sack to say it! So, step you self effacing weenies and say: “I like a girl with some hips!”
Let’s keep our fingers crossed on this one!

Castro's Death Will Change Little In Cuba.

It is a well-known fact Fidel Castro, Marxist-communist leader of Cuba, is very ill and will likely die soon. Soon being a relative term for some time in the next year, after all predicting an exact date would be superfluous if I was wrong and creepy if I was right. (Although, I did make an entry in a celebrity death pool of April 20 of ‘07 because that is my anniversary.) Of course, I could die in the next year. But then again, it is the fact that we could die at any moment that makes life fun and interesting. The essence of randomness in the universe, the chaos of the cosmos--- but that is for another blog. This is a thread about the whimsical pseudo-science of fate prediction not a blog of my pompous personal musings on fractal math and cosmology.
Alright! I’ll quit pontificating and get to the point.
Many Cuban Americans have longed for the death of Castro seeing his death as some sort of relief to the impoverished nation of their birth. But, some wise person once said “be careful what you wish for.” I’m not Cuban so I have no personal reference or interest in his death. Other than seeing, an evil man get his just desserts and, yes, Castro, like that bastard Che Guevara, is an evil man. And while I am on the subject those Goddamned Che t-shirts irk the shit out of me, so to the parents who allow their little 15 year old pseudo revolutionaries to wear this symbol of a brutal leftist, you can kiss my big white ass. It is free country and you are entitled to your freedom of speech but I think most people just think the iron on of Che on their shirt is ‘cool’ and have no concept of what a bastard he really was.
Anyway, sorry, got on a rant there for a moment. The point to this is I predict a huge celebration in Miami when Castro bites the bullet however, this will be followed by a steep depression in Cuban-American community when they realize that it won’t mean a thing. The Cuban people, at least the folks in Cuba, will stay under the thumb of whatever puppet dictator that fills the void resulting from Castro’s death. For all the chants of ‘liberacion’ in the streets of Miami there will be equally raucous celebrations welcoming Cuba’s next dictator in the streets of Havana.
I know this is sad, especially for those Cuban Americans who are freedom-loving folk that have waited for decades to return democracy to their country. But, let’s face it, if the Cubans of Cuba wanted real democracy they would have fought back and ousted that cigar chomping hack of a baseball player in 1961.
In the final analysis, I welcome those Cubans who braved so much to come here and who have embraced the American way, building lives for their families, building business, and working hard for a country that has all too often marginalized them. However, I predict their hopes for their homeland will be dashed when they see their fellow compatriots roll over and take it in the ear when the next butthead comes to power.

Will Teheran Glow In The Dark?

Things could not look worse in Iraq. Violence all over the country, murders, executions, firefights, and still the White House refuses to call it a civil war. US soldiers dying almost daily and with little to show for it, other than the satisfaction of trying to do what they believe to be right. How will it all end? Impossible to see but either way it is going to be bloody and we are going to feel the blowback here in the US for years to come.
Now, to make matters worse, Iran is attempting to assert their influence in the deepening conflict and President Bush seems determined to stop this no matter what the cost. Bush will go ahead without batting an eye, regardless of the international consequences.
I often hear the question in the media: Is the war on terror justified? That debate will likely trouble scholars for decades to come and cannot be decided by the bipolar trends of the polls.
I say yes. However, this yes comes with qualification.
Should The United States hunt down the terrorists that mastermind the 9/11 attacks? Yes. Should we have invaded Iraq? No. Should we attack Iran? The time to deal with Iran militarily has passed but it is highly likely we will do it anyway.
Now, the big question, will the US use tactical nukes to achieve this goal. Rubbing my crystal ball, peering into the ethereal plane of, “oh shit what if that happens?” I say with the US military stretched thin and the rugged Zargos Mountains encircling Iran, it is very likely, almost a definite that the US will use tactical (low yield, 10 KT or less) nuclear weapons.
The result? International chaos that makes the current state of affairs seem tame by comparison.
Even the atheists should pray about this one.

MIx Martial Arts Death Long Over Due.

I am a fan of mixed martial arts and boxing. Love the stuff! However, I will admit to the inherent dangers of these sports. Occasionally, boxers die in the ring or as a result of the injuries, they have sustained fighting. Nevertheless, statistically boxing is a safer amateur sport than football. Fewer deaths and brain and spinal cord injuries occur in all of sanctioned amateur boxing than in youth soccer. If you don’t believe me look it up.
But, I am not here to debate sport safety, I am here to make a prediction. The last few years has seen an explosion in the popularity of mixed martial arts (ex UFC). And, although there have been a couple of deaths on the ‘county fair’ circuits. The major venues, the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Pride, and King of The Cage have not had a death.
Therefore, I predict a death this year. I base this on the fact that the sport is way over do for such a tragedy. And with the crowds craving more bloodshed and the promoters mismatching opponents, it is simply a matter of time.
I hope this does not happen. Hope and pray. But, truth is MMA is far less regulated then the sport boxing and is fast becoming just as crooked. I love these sports and hope someday the fighter’s health will be taken into account. However, bloodlust and money will likely prevent this from ever happening.

Paris Hilton's Star Becomes A Blackhole!

In a stunning upset to bored, pathetic people everywhere, it will be discovered in 2007 that Paris Hilton is in fact---really not that cool and definitely not hot. Now, here is a case of the media forcing a celebrity on the public. Five years ago, no one cared who this bimbo was. She was just some spoiled rich kid that the New York tabloids followed, a regional oddity, like a farmer with a three-eyed sheep.
Overnight, with the help of her family’s money and influence no doubt, this twit was catapulted to celebrity through a force fed media campaign that leaves the Bush press machine in awe. She has zero talent, zero personality, and is nothing special to look at. Moreover, she’s teaching our young girls to be self centered and vacuous. Want to turn back a hundred years of women’s rights? Put Paris in the vicinity. She is to feminism what a black hole is to light.
How this woman gets millions of hits a day on Yahoo can only be the result of a guerilla media campaign. No guy I know looks her up, because no guy I know finds her attractive, and no woman I know searches for her on the internet, for obvious reasons. So, who is looking at her? Well, you know my theory.
Therefore, my prediction for this nitwit is for her to enjoy her moment in the limelight because like a black hole, she will collapse in on herself and in another year will be just a punch line in a string of endless bad jokes. Adios, stick girl.

The Coming Storm.

No doubt the climate is changing, in fact, Global Warming may be happening at much faster rate than first predicted. It is unnecessary to cite specific sources, there are just too many. Everyone from the Pentagon to the National Weather Service to those people with divining rods has unanimously agreed that we are headed for catastrophic climate change.
So what do I see, well, I have done my homework on this, including reading up on the US government plans to send up giant mirrors (oh Christ! Do these people EVER watch ‘Futurama’?) And the insane idea to fill our atmosphere with a reflective silica dust, are you kidding? What happens if there are multiple major eruptions after the dust has been sprayed in the atmosphere? Has anyone thought of that?
So, what is going to happen? Well, if you own a house on or near the beach you had better make certain all of your furniture is made of rubber. And, if this winter was any indication of things to come, we, meaning the Big Blue Marble, the Global Village, are screwed!
How screwed are we? Even if we stopped all manufacturing, which is not going to happen, and stopped driving, and I know my big butt neighbor is not going to walk to work, we will still not end the catastrophic climate change. Why? Because of the Earth’s cyclic weather patterns. An Ice Age here, a warm up there, it is a way of controlling the population of critters on this berg. And the sooner that everyone comes in line with the fact that the earth is a living entity (I don’t mean the hippy bullsh** either!) we will all be better off.
Sorry folks, but this planet is overpopulated by at least 3 billion and cataclysmic weather is nature’s way of eliminating this issue. Is it sad? Yes, it is especially sad given the human race’s ability to accomplish great things. Had we started even ten years ago building planet style ships we would likely be a third of the way there and would be able to travel out of here in large numbers. Imagine, hundreds of thousands, if not millions drifting on mammoth ships in the depths of space exploring the galaxy. Think it is science fiction? Well, the nuclear sub was when Jules Vern wrote about it and we know how that turned out.
Humanity will make it. This is not a prediction, this is just optimism, and one of the few things you will ever see me be optimistic about. So, what is my prediction for the global climate? Warm days followed by some really, really cold decades. Better, bundle up!

US To Reinstate Draft!

With war in Iran right around the corner. And with US troops stretched as thin as a Hilton sister, I foresee the draft, the involuntary conscription of US citizens into the armed services, as an inevitable conclusion of a two-decade-old policy, which was in acted with the ‘will of the people’, ended by the wants of the privileged.
‘So, when is it coming oh great Sarkastak?’ Oh----*Rubs his forehead.*(Not to divine mystical energy but because all the shit gives me a migraine.) I see March, maybe April, shortly after the Bush Administration begins their ill-conceived plan to hit Teheran.
In fact, a bill is already in congress to do this and it has come from the most unlikely of sources, Charles Rangle, democratic congressional representative and Korean War Vet. Why would Rangle do this? His answer is an idealistic yet all too foolish proposal that reasons by having a conscript military, politicos will be a little less likely to push our armed forces into a war.
Wrong, wrong-----wrong! All passage of such an act will do is give ‘Dubyah’ the cannon fodder to go into the breach of his crusade. I stand by this prediction, along with the prediction the US will be asshole deep in Iran in the next two months, give, or take a month.
So, if you don’t like fruitless strategically devoid military operations and cuscus now would be the time to go somewhere warmer or colder *wink*. Hope the conscientious objectors like hockey and tortillas cause if you are between 18 and 45, are marginally healthy, have a Y chromosome, and are allergic to shrapnel this is your only option.